Forever A Sone Who Love Soshi

Forever A Sone Who Love Soshi

Thursday, July 31, 2014

joke of the day

"SHE'S TRYING TO BREAK OUR FRIENDSHIP"
Omg. I laugh so hard hearing so.
Why do i need to try?
When people know you long enough, you will show your side that everyone surely dislike and you will live pathetically wondering what or why people dislikes you.
You know whats your problem?
Being a guy but acting like a bitch. That is the problem(!)
Hello, idiot. If it wasnt for me. Do you think you will know so many sones? And her?
Please dont be funny.
How old are you retard? Still studying in kindergarden? Lol. Some more taking engineering course but acting like a 2 years old.
If i can control people's mind. I would have have you slapping yourself.
Idiot.
All your saying just proves how idiotic you are.
She's 24.
She has live old enough to know who is right who is wrong. Who she can trust and who is the idiot.
I trust she is not as dense as you.
Hahahahahahahahaha. Idiot.
Hahahahahahahaha.

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Childish Asshole

Ooh...im blogging again(!) So. Someone said why got problem have to blog?
Actually. The answer is: "None of your fucking business right?"
The trip tremendously shows me a lot(!)
During the trip. I trust we may accidentally hurt or offended each other unknowingly.
For me likewise. 
Since i am very sensitive...i am aware of my friend's reaction every single time after i talk or reply them. And at the end of the day...i would apologize upfront if i did or not hurt them without realizing.
So after i blogged. Drama begins.
First, he admitted that he has bad assumptions on us..he say we will for sure boycott him and ivink.
^ people...this is how immature arse thinks.
I admit. When we were chatting. We was like, "what if that two are in their own lil world? Wont gua...this is outing...outing means to enjoy with each other..."
Which is the truth. If we isolate one another...what is the point of the whole trip?
So for him or them like he referred.
Us boycotting them.
It means even before they met us...they have this bad thinking applying in their mind already.
I blog. I came forward. I confront.
Because i think we deserved an apology for the inhumane things you did.
But then again.
People with dense english would most probably not able to imply my english. No. Im not saying my english is amazing. I used the word dense.
And when they are dense and angry.
They just simply answer questions to themselves. Which was HILARIOUS for me.
"I want to maintain a friendship. I appreciate us being as friends?"
^ wtf? You have bad thoughts about us but want to maintain relationship.
Selfish.
There is so much more.
But.
Why should i?
Im not losing anything that mean something to my life.
Not worth it.

Boycott my ass.
Andrew got my tantrums a few times.
I even scolded him.
But i felt comfort for telling him dislikes face to face. Show him i am unhappy of what he did or says or think. But then? We still hehe haha the next minute.
How come i can throw my emotions freely at him? Cos he is a guy not a boy who keep grudge in the heart. He is those type cincai laa..
Which kinda bother me at times. Cos it feels like he doesnt care. Lol. 
An immature boy will acts like a baby.
A kid who dont get the ice cream. Sulks and when people say they did this or that wrong..
They deny deny deny deny deny.
Sulking.
Yelling.
Throwing bad words around.
A guy who keeps grudge in their heart is a guy who is never mature enough.

Being mature means to come clean and solve.
Not bad mouthing behind people's back and pretend to maintain a friendship thereafter.

Bottomline.
If a trip can show me who is friends and who are not. I think its a whole lot worth.
At least i didnt waste extra years treating someone as a friend when they obviously dont care.

Boycott?
Who is the one isolating himself at one corner?
Who is the one pulled himself out and decide to do every thing himself?
Outing means you need to be initiative and start mingling around yourself to be in the group and not expect everyone to come and talk to you first.
Who the fuck you think you are that people need to go and talk to you 1st?
Even a two years old baby dont need that kind of guidance. How old and immature are you?
Boycott. Lmao(!)
Get your english right.
We boycott you or you already planned to boycott us in the beginning??

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Hari Raya Holidays

I hasnt blog for awhile now, an off day today..probably a time to update how I spent my holidays.
So it was all a very planned trip by a few weeks earlier before it happens.
I thought things will go smoothly, but nawww- people are born with spoilers at times.
Heck, now i think my sensitivity detection has become a bigger roaming, that I admit.
Why not I begin?
We all started by meeting in USJ cos Cyn finishes her work at 7pm. Andrew picked me up at 5pm after picking Nogy up, hell, I do the last minute rushing packing OTL and yes...I forgotten about my towel. Fml lol.
Then off we go to USJ to pick xian up then head to USJ City Mall...but halfway there, i was talking about the previous trip that i went to sunway lagoon without my IC and was being charged for RM120 instead of RM90 (If you are a malaysian..please dont forget about your ic) Okay..probably is very minimal to have people like me =_= 
Andrew realized he had forgotten about his IC hence a big turn to head back straight to his place. 
Earlier on around close to 3pm I have texted Ivink since she is coming down from Sekinchan with Jy..she said their journey has just begun.
One more thing, I am those kind of peasant who is really genuine about my feelings when it comes to being punctual. For me. You either stick to the time that was planned or if you knew there could be jam or anything, work it with your time management. Do not let your dates got hanged up or waits you.
Cos is just fucking disrespectful.
But then. They were never late..they reached earlier (so early that time didnt makes any sense because to be reaching so fast) and we too was never late. Xian said she was busy and we headed to the store to get some liquids while waiting for cyn since she called.
met up and off we go for our dinner at Uncle Jang which Andrew suggested.
everyone's 1st time x3 and we ordered something which we cant enjoy due to the spiciness =_= everyone was hissing in spiciness with every bites. Regrets regrets. Cos everyone got a painful stomach in the end.
after dinner..we rush to aeon big to get our snacks and also booze for the trip...trying to make our curious youngest potato maknae to grow up...made her drink the most safest booze...
Hoegarden.
a bottle herself. Kkkkk.
but sadly...she cant join our trip this time around...so we send her home to klang.
on the way to klang..we got caught up a bit in the jam... Ivink called to say she and jy will head up to Genting 1st..
(TODAY'S BLOG IS ALL ABOUT HONEST REAL FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS. READ IT WITH YOUR OWN GUTS IF YOU ARE PART OF THE TRIP MEMBERS)
When I heard that excuse to 'skip' the jam where else we call this an outing/friends trip.
wtf was that?
You cant wait in a minor jam and decided to just break off with the trip and head to Genting yourself alone first? 
Oh...very nice indeed. Even the youngest also said "arent outing means we are supposed go stick together?"
Guess its not in everyone's POV. But i maintain quiet because I was actually beginning to feel rather pissed but I wouldnt want to ruin anyone's mood. As I am known to be angry quite fast at some certain times.
stayed at Genting..sunrise..sleeping in the car wasnt pleasant especially when Uncle Jang is still hanging around in your tummy LMAO.
andrew's gps was out off battery.
so i decide to split the task.
andrew's car to head to hotel check in and jy to go pick shirly up at 10am.
Thank You to Ms. Jacqueline whom is known as the Sales Marketing Director...she allowed me to check in at 10:13am!!! How awesome is she???
^_^
So its me, Andrew, Cyn and Nogy the first group that checked in... they all start lazying around until Andrew and Nogy calls it HUNGRY lol..
andrew said to tell Jy and the rest to meet at 1Utama for our (planned) buffet meal which starts at 12pm till 3pm++ Shabu10.
but Ivink called to ask us to wait at the hotel instead because they can make it within 40mins to reach the hotel then we shall only go to the buffet together after they reach.
Ignoring the fact that our stomach was growling.
we waited as said.
they came around 12pm++
Jy came to me and said "Why not skip the buffet? Then at 3pm we can head to Ecurve (escape room game) and maybe after the game we can eat our dinner? Lets skipped lunch since everyone is sleepy and tired..."
I just nod my head..seeing indeed is a bit true.
but then. Andrew's stomach were growling and so were mine. Nogy was out for a phone call so i woke Cyn up and she too was a bit hungry (1pm+) 
below our hotel is a shopping mall and I knew where we could get Hot n Rolls. 
So i went to Ivink and ask what would she like.
Her reply:
"Anything. Because I am still full. Me and Jy had our lunch already"
I was stunned and so was andrew when he over heard the reply...
in conclusion..the fact that we already planned this trip and food earlier on...you both despite the obvious fact in this case are very inhumanely selfish cut the food plan off WITHOUT telling us the truth that you already had lunch and we had waited with empty stomachs and you KNEW we are.
how nice of a friend you both are. Really.
but our trip was long. So i shut up and just go get the meal at the shopping mall.
without thinking.
(Although you both has selfishly taken your meal)
As a friend. I ordered 7pax food.
someone said to me "i thought they have eaten? Why order for them when they didnt think about us?"
my reply was, "its okay...we can be the bigger person...lets see how thick the skin of their faces are...since they claimed they are VERY FULL with their cheated lunch"
Okay. I dont fucking care because the money was forked out by everyone. You want to eat it despite after what you did. Go ahead.

Went to Escape Room-
Okay. Who am I kidding? With all these shits that happens...who am I kidding to still have the mood to blog about the trip? Shall I make things cut short and better on the point of why to I act that way at the end of the trip?

So I shall.

our last pit stop was on Monday, sunway lagoon.
after half a day of absolute fun swim activities.
i counted our money and we still have rm500++
Ate at Papa John and we walked around.
until we decided to have Bowling session to spend the $$$ off.
per person gets to bowl 2 times per turn.
but our lane seems to be having a probably.
it somehow skipped giving us actual marks and at times make us bowl 2 more times extra.
JY said "Get someone to fix it..." and the gang was all eyes on me. Fine. I stood at the counter for like 5 mins to tell the receptionist. When i went back to our lane. Jy said "dont need call the repairman lah"
I was like what? I called already...
"Dont need lah dont need lah...dont need so troublesome. Just play lah"
Okay.
number 1.
didnt you just told me to go ask someone to fix it? 
After the long wait.
the way you asked me no need to is as if I was troubling people when my intention in the first place was to get someone to fix the shit that you are uncomfort with.
it blew my patience off this time.
i tried and tried to hold my anger.
which i did instead of pointing out his faulty.
but my face shows the opposite.
sorry.
i cant hide my discomfort and displease emotions well from my expression due to all your doings o0o
it was my turn to bowl.
i threw harder (actually I three with nonetheless caring how many pins i may hit) because the fact I have eventually lost my mood after enduring all the shits I was getting during the trip.
the moment i turned around.
i saw jy giving eye hint to ivink and they look at me one kind
(Maybe cos the fact that I was showing dislike but I wonder if they are even smart enough to realize the things they have said and done?)
After bowling.
I was walking a bit ahead from the group but with Cyn closely behind me.
jy walked pass me and said "We are going home..." so i stopped..then i said okay...bye then..(still in a very pleasant tone when I actually starts burning on the inside)
then he said something that actually make my anger burst.
"The money"
In his very demanding tone.
as if i would take the rm259 and run away.
fuck that.
i took my wallet and counted and divided among the shares. After that. I walk off. Turned around because I was forgetting something.
"Byeee..." 
he look at me and said "Bye? I thought we are going to yam cha?"
Woah...hold it there.
You said it that you are going home.
and also when a person calls it to divide back he remaining money it means is to end the trip and everyone should get back their equal shares.
so wtf was that? Tell me.
am i wrong this time?
Dont give me the "she has princess attitude" cos i am definitely not.

If you guys are reading this. Good.
because a part of me still treats you both as a friend...i blogged this instead of coming upfront to you and tell you the dirty selfish things you guys did.
how would you feel if you were hungry and you waited for us 1st because we said we were coming but in the end we have eaten?
You will feel is NOTHING?
Dont give me bull-fucking-cock-shit.
please.
i have endure much bigger drama.
And i know what is lies.
you guys stop us from going to the lunch is because you have eaten and not hungry and without me...you cant enter the hotel room.
you didnt even care if Shirly has eaten or not.
you two secretly ate without telling.
even if you said to call buffet off and to be nice enough to inform that you have eaten and that we (The Ones) who have not, should get something to eat.
that will be tolerable.

^
This is enough to proven that you only care about yourself and instead of your friends around you.
may i ask.
what's the point right?
If you dont care about us. Why care so much to maintain in contact?
If you two thinks that just having each other companies is enough.
fine.
stay that way.
friends do come and go.
after reading this.
have some balls and guts come confront me with your reasons/excuses.
i would love to see and hear that.
if you just keep quiet.
fine.
your choice.
because we decided to do the same.
if you dont appreciate friendship like us do.
okay.
fair enough.
if a trip can make and shows me that ugly side of yours, I think is fair enough.

people around us are getting older.
friendship are hard to maintain.
appreciation should be kept and used.
but i dont think that is the case for you.
you once asked me "if she look for you, will you accept her back? After all she did...wont you hate her?"
Or 
"Why did you forgive her?"
TBH.
i kept trying to think...what do I actually hate about her...i do know why we stop contacting each other. But i dont hate her.
maybe cause the fact that when she look for me the last time...she and I admitted the faulty we did? Maybe cos people grew mature and know when and where to admit the faulty? The mistakes?

I appreciate friendship.
I made plans for trips to come.
despite the fact i dont get answers for my questions.
i keep trying my way to make it work.
schedule it for everyone's "YES"
because i do want us to hang out as a whole.
thus i know some of you dont give a fuck if it works out or not...i still put effort into making it come true for all of us.
because when we get together..
there will be laughter and relaxation.

this time.

shown me too much.

if you think you are wrong or right.
please.
have a self courage and come confront me.
if not.

bye.

im tired of the whole drama thing.
when are you people going to grow? 
Is it so hard to have balls and vaginas to come tell me what is wrong or maybe we have been wrong that you two have to be this way? To treat us this way?
If you have the guts to do it.
have the guts to embrace it.

Maybe.
im the only one who grew old?

Maybe.
im just too tired of dramas and become sensitive at all times and aware of my surroundings?

Maybe.
to others. Friends doesnt has to maintain long because friends comes and goes?

Maybe.
friends are NOT important?
Well. You are wrong. Everyone needs a friend.
oh..that explains why you have enough when you have each other. 
Let me tell you something.
even if you have a bf or a gf.
you will still need friends!
Unless you're a cockroach...okay. i know nothing about cockroach lifestyle.
=_=

Maybe.
you just dont care cos the fact that you are selfish and just care about you and yourself and nobody else?

Maybe.
i should not care much anymore.
because caring one problem because of others means you care about them or because they mean something to you.
But why should I care so much when the opponent does not?

Sometimes.
im so fucking tired dwelling all these and being the peacemaker or the forgiving one.
I used to care so much without limits and look at where it got me to...
everything...should have its own limit.
and I have mine too.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

my Biggest guilt in 24 years of my life.

Maybe pouring out will ease the burden in my heart a bit(?) 
Though I strongly believe, I will never ever forget that moment..
My last moment with wangja...
My baby boy..
Before he passed on...his sister left 2 days earlier...between the two siblings..
I was more bias to the elder sis.
Because she's fat, fluffy and adorable.
To the point I felt so blessed to have this cute pig.
When I saw the stages she go through are the same of what i read on the net.
I was scared, I begged my dad to be by her side on her last stage...she eventually left.
I swore to myself to do anything and everything to keep wangja with me. I surf the net every hours...try all kind of methods...cos i do not trust the vet.

Today...I want to share something I have hidden in me...

When my puppy was at his last stage...
His head was on my lap while i sat on the floor.
He was just staring blankly at me.
I made him all kind of promises...i begged him to not be so naughty and stubborn to go look for his sister...that he should just grow old with me and we'll go find his sister together...that i promised him...i will fulfill it.
Maybe perhaps...i did too much wrong...God punishes me this way...
In one of the most painful process.
I had my left hand stroking his head...while my right hand held at his chest feeling his heart beat.
I could see him struggling...
I bend over to whisper "its okay to go...i promise i will come find you...but you must wait for me there okay? Because i will really really miss you..." they say dogs can hear...and they will let go if you let them go. Of course i do not want him to go...but i do not want him to suffer.
His heartbeat slows down every seconds...until it stops...it stops and i felt around his chest...hoping it was just my imagination...but his body turns cold...
I pray hard...that at least his sister will be there guiding him..because this silly fellow is a follower...when i brings him to the park...he would only stick closely to my dad's legs...
Never leave our sides..
I call him gay boy at times because he is so clingy to my dad...

I thought i was immune to accept this..
But writing this now proof otherwise...my tears just comes out automatically.

To others. He may just be a dog. A pet of mine.
But to me and my family.
He's the youngest kid in our family.
Dad treated him like it was his own son.

Every Friday when I came home to myself alone..i would slouch myself on the couch...he will automatically jump onto the couch...and put his chin on my shoulder...i would sometimes tease him by staring at him and ask him to stop acting cute...cos is disgusting...but because i felt the earnest love coming from him...how he just magically takes stress off from the entire week of mine...i could only thank God for it.
Every night i would ask him, "do you want your jacket?" He would lazily makes his way to me and put his head into the collar and let me help him wear the jacket...then i would kiss him on the forehead goodnight and tells him that i will see him in a couple more hours when im off to work.

If it wasnt for my family today..
...
I would have actually thought of committing a suicide...to go look for him... i know it sounds crazy but i just had those thoughts.
Maybe you think im crazy heck...maybe i really am...but no one can judge me and understand what im going through...
He is not just a pet...he is more than that.
I have grown to have him around.
Sometimes i would read my blog again when i am able to visit.
But i dont think i will for this particular one.

God.
How long do i need to live with this pain?

But life moves on. Really.
I may smile. Joke. And still my old self as on today and tomorrow and the day after.
I was doing so...
Just so my mind will lift off from thinking about my puppy for awhile there.

I think maybe because of all these times i have been ultra tough and firm.

He taught me how life and death is.

And finally. There's a reason for me to burst into tears.....
I'm not a good owner...I didnt even get to save my own puppy...but i am definitely someone who loves him very very much...even as on today...and in the future...

Im sorry, Wangja...Gongju...

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

As Stubborn As A......

So sleepy...typing my way while in the bus on my way to work.
Then there's this topic.
Normally people quote it as, 'As Stubborn As a Bull'..
But I didnt want to be called as bull hence I left the empty slot kekeke.
It happened two days ago, when I was having conversation with my lady boss...she was giving me instructions on what to do with the task.
I was looking at her...listening to her until...
*BAM*
Total pitch black.
Nope.
The electric still goes on.
The lights are still on.
My eyelids are still open.
What happened?
I lost my vision temporary.
Like i know my eyes are still open...
I still can hear her...
When it happens, I did get alarmed a bit.
But I told myself dont panic and see how long it last, eventually i slowly see the things in my office...it begins with a blurry ones but despite that, my vision goes back to normal.
I kind feel a bit worry there at the moment, not ashamed to say out in frank...but not being able to see, it is scary..
"Go see a doctor"
I understand and accept your kindness in the suggestion but I dont want to hear bad results.
Perhaps is nothing huge either.
I have low blood so probably being over exhausted could lead to such matter and if i was to see a doctor, she probably prescript me with more drugs to take and im not in for that.
But if I have to go.
I'll go.
And probably it relates to how I've been using my smartphone so much.

FINALLY! 
Outing this Sat!!! :)
Just. What. I. Need.
Xoxo

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Mixed Emotions

I dont know where I should start or how should I even start.
Lol.
But i do know its been awhile since I last update my blog.
The amount of 'dust' collected is undeniable :p
I am still at mixed emotions and this regards to the passing of my dog. I think i am hurt so much this time due to the fact that something I love so much left me...he was just there..lying his head on my thighs..his eyes gazing into mine until the heartbeat of his where my hand was at...slowly fades away...his hot body turns cold and eventually he left me...though i cried...mourn and wail that i promised that i will walk with him and that he did not keep his promise for us to grow old together...he left.
I do not know how many humane people with the proper mind would say "he is just a dog" I can quite frankly say, that is very inhumane of you but I wont correct your thoughts. With such sayings...it proofs how much of to unkind you are but well, not everyone has passion for pets.
Till today...almost 2 weeks.
I still think of the What-Ifs this and that.
This is why I always pressed hard on the word, 
APPRECIATION.
Things will eventually become regretful and when you cant do anything regrets that you did not do what you can when you have the chance..
A little too late will make you live a life filled so stressful on the regrets part.
When it happens. I cant stop crying.
I knew I have to pour out my pain to someone.
I called a few people...i tried to open up a normal conversation but it ends up with a tearful call.
I think I may have actually surprise and shock those whom I called.
The tough Andrea image totally disappear.
Well. Of course. I have my weak parts too.
Dad told me to stay strong and that we should keep thinking of the good memories my dogs has given to me. Cos i often cry even when i sit quietly...watching tv...lol.
Enough of that.
Then there was insensitive people who actually will say something to change the way you live.
Tbh.
No one has any rights to tell another living soul on how to live their life.
Is not only annoying but is absurd as well.
Of course i will burst in your face with foul language especially when to me...you are just another pathetic stranger.
Yes...i may joke and all.
But what make you feel so comfortable with me and gives you any rights to think you can comment on my life? Fuck you.

"Taeyeon and Tiffany starts dating. You said it before that you will date if both of them does"
XD 
Did i???
Lol.
I guess allowing someone into my life is a bit...
Hard?
I am very independent...I had been supporting my family both mentally and physically.
And hello. I have my dad here to compare with all the guys coming after me.
Eventually they were strike out of the list.
Haha.
A few that I rejected but we still remained as friends....friends that we hung out still and I have no feelings of being uncomfortable around them. Probably cos we are dealing with mature people who respects each other decisions.
(Y)

Xian said she needs to meet us up soon for a yamcha session so she could laugh all over again and again.
^ pretty true.
I think I need it too.
Each of us has our own stress and by us hanging out together...even if its just half a day.
Things twisted into a worthwhile moment.
Talking about friends.
I have indulge myself with a few groups of friends. There's many kind of breeds.
Maybe i should pick out the one that disgust me most?

The one who leaves when there's a new one which they think are better than the old one.

Do you usually think so highly of yourself?
You think you made a great big sacrifice.
But heck you are also the one near the bottom of the pit.
But I always said and quote.
If you leave.
I dare you not to come back.
If you have the guts.
Dont come whimpering back.
Seriously.
Nuff said on this.

Super thanks to those who shows their real care to me during my crying needy period of time.
A few friends actually called to check on me after the tearful conversation.
They called and i was like "what laa" sounded like the old me haha and they will pause for a moment before replying "haha..no la..just call to say Hi to you cant is it?" But their voice betrays them...is obvious...they was checking out if im doing ok and quite frankly to admit, I am touched by this lil things that shows how much they do care. The other half text me as well.
Oh and yes.
Thanks to Andrew for fostering Augy even when is just a day (lol) I was so afraid that Augy might be depressed with the death of my other dog since he is beginning to act strange...and not even eating.
Is a dog we are talking about. I remember just asking Andrew if he could foster Augy while i get over my depression and my whole house cleanse throughly.
Not only he did not question with hesitation.
He said "ok. I will drop by at 5pm" looking at the clock it shows 430pm++ haha.
He never even ask me how long he needs to help. But augy...i guess he is too used of being around me... andrew whatsapp me showing even more depression side of Augy...who did not even drink or eat(!) I got panic but I learn that dog has deeper feelings than us humans.
So i told Andrew to bring augy back to me the following day.
I am so sorry Augy bite you =_=" haha.


Is the help and offers that people gives from their heart that counts.
Thank you.