Mixed Emotions

I dont know where I should start or how should I even start.

Lol.

But i do know its been awhile since I last update my blog.

The amount of 'dust' collected is undeniable :p

I am still at mixed emotions and this regards to the passing of my dog. I think i am hurt so much this time due to the fact that something I love so much left me...he was just there..lying his head on my thighs..his eyes gazing into mine until the heartbeat of his where my hand was at...slowly fades away...his hot body turns cold and eventually he left me...though i cried...mourn and wail that i promised that i will walk with him and that he did not keep his promise for us to grow old together...he left.

I do not know how many humane people with the proper mind would say "he is just a dog" I can quite frankly say, that is very inhumane of you but I wont correct your thoughts. With such sayings...it proofs how much of to unkind you are but well, not everyone has passion for pets.

Till today...almost 2 weeks.

I still think of the What-Ifs this and that.

This is why I always pressed hard on the word, 

APPRECIATION.

Things will eventually become regretful and when you cant do anything regrets that you did not do what you can when you have the chance..

A little too late will make you live a life filled so stressful on the regrets part.

When it happens. I cant stop crying.

I knew I have to pour out my pain to someone.

I called a few people...i tried to open up a normal conversation but it ends up with a tearful call.

I think I may have actually surprise and shock those whom I called.

The tough Andrea image totally disappear.

Well. Of course. I have my weak parts too.

Dad told me to stay strong and that we should keep thinking of the good memories my dogs has given to me. Cos i often cry even when i sit quietly...watching tv...lol.

Enough of that.

Then there was insensitive people who actually will say something to change the way you live.

Tbh.

No one has any rights to tell another living soul on how to live their life.

Is not only annoying but is absurd as well.

Of course i will burst in your face with foul language especially when to me...you are just another pathetic stranger.

Yes...i may joke and all.

But what make you feel so comfortable with me and gives you any rights to think you can comment on my life? Fuck you.

"Taeyeon and Tiffany starts dating. You said it before that you will date if both of them does"

XD 

Did i???

Lol.

I guess allowing someone into my life is a bit...

Hard?

I am very independent...I had been supporting my family both mentally and physically.

And hello. I have my dad here to compare with all the guys coming after me.

Eventually they were strike out of the list.

Haha.

A few that I rejected but we still remained as friends....friends that we hung out still and I have no feelings of being uncomfortable around them. Probably cos we are dealing with mature people who respects each other decisions.

(Y)

Xian said she needs to meet us up soon for a yamcha session so she could laugh all over again and again.

^ pretty true.

I think I need it too.

Each of us has our own stress and by us hanging out together...even if its just half a day.

Things twisted into a worthwhile moment.

Talking about friends.

I have indulge myself with a few groups of friends. There's many kind of breeds.

Maybe i should pick out the one that disgust me most?

The one who leaves when there's a new one which they think are better than the old one.

Do you usually think so highly of yourself?

You think you made a great big sacrifice.

But heck you are also the one near the bottom of the pit.

But I always said and quote.

If you leave.

I dare you not to come back.

If you have the guts.

Dont come whimpering back.

Seriously.

Nuff said on this.

Super thanks to those who shows their real care to me during my crying needy period of time.

A few friends actually called to check on me after the tearful conversation.

They called and i was like "what laa" sounded like the old me haha and they will pause for a moment before replying "haha..no la..just call to say Hi to you cant is it?" But their voice betrays them...is obvious...they was checking out if im doing ok and quite frankly to admit, I am touched by this lil things that shows how much they do care. The other half text me as well.

Oh and yes.

Thanks to Andrew for fostering Augy even when is just a day (lol) I was so afraid that Augy might be depressed with the death of my other dog since he is beginning to act strange...and not even eating.

Is a dog we are talking about. I remember just asking Andrew if he could foster Augy while i get over my depression and my whole house cleanse throughly.

Not only he did not question with hesitation.

He said "ok. I will drop by at 5pm" looking at the clock it shows 430pm++ haha.

He never even ask me how long he needs to help. But augy...i guess he is too used of being around me... andrew whatsapp me showing even more depression side of Augy...who did not even drink or eat(!) I got panic but I learn that dog has deeper feelings than us humans.

So i told Andrew to bring augy back to me the following day.

I am so sorry Augy bite you =_=" haha.

Is the help and offers that people gives from their heart that counts.

Thank you.