It happened on the night of Saturday, we were being called over to my grandma house to have a steamboat session, everyone was invited, the whole family i mean.
My grandma came back not long from the hospital, her condition wasnt stable, she was all weak.
Its like a reunion for the whole family, my cousins were there, we were joking and laughing.
All stuffs, you know what reunion are like.
It was until, i say about 11pm, when the time is for everyone to finally resting around the living hall area.
Where my grandma's bed was there, she's there.
soon, uncle realizes grandma's breathing was abnormal... my 1st uncle starts continually stroke my grandma chest, trying to ease her breathing process, it wasnt long when i saw my mum and dad standing at the living room, talking, with my mum crying, well, my mum has been crying ever since grandma wasnt in a good condition, i mean, is her mum anyway. So, it only hurts her to see her mum in that way.
I heard loud sobs coming from the kitchen and it didnt took me long when i finally realize it was my 2nd uncle who is crying, it was my first time, seeing him crying so hard, in the past 22 years.
I finally settle myself back in the living room, quietly watching my grandma.
memories flashing in my mind.
my grandma loves me and my sister the least, i wont say not loving us at all.
just. the least.
every time when it gets too noisy in the room, my name would be called or shouted first, even when it wasnt my fault, but over a few months, my grandma has barely even spoken to me.
I look at her and think to myself, i would rather get all the scoldings than her laying there.
"its okay, its alright, your children all has grown up, having family of their own, with your grandchildren all here, we all love you, we are all here, we wouldnt want you to suffer..if you have to, just go...."
Mum was on her knees for uncle to stop all this words.
Uncle was crying as he whispers to grandma, it was hard to watch.
I believe my grandma heard what my uncle said although she never response, her breathing got heavier each time he whispers for her that is alright to leave. Mum was begging grandma not to leave.
cousins, me included eyes were red.
it all took at sharp 12:45am, my grandma took her final deep long breath and left us behind.
Aunty and mummy fall on their knees, mum was mourning, aunty was covering her ears, shaking her head.
everyone in the house, cried.
Till now, i still cant believe that i witnessed how my grandma left us.
yeah, even typing this out still makes me to tears up.
I think, to finally realize, that this person is no longer in this world, hurts.
no matter how rich you are, how much you beg or cry, there is nothing that can retrieve death.
we used to gather in the house for occasions, grandma will be cooking, or finding reason to gamble, all of these, will never ever happens anymore..she's gone...till now, it still feels weird, that the person you are so used to have around, has left...no longer here.
we witness how grandma's body was carried away from the house, everything was settled at around 3am.
it was around 10am in the morning, we gather again, before we make our way to Nirvana Parlor to continue with my grandma's procession.
This boy,
Kingston, he's like super duper naughty.
but once we were in the elevator, i think he sense that something isnt right.
he kept repeating that he wants to see his ah ma.
when we finally reach the floor, his dad carried him to the coffin, to see grandma laying in there.
It only surprise us all, make us cries even more, when Kingston starts crying.
he keep repeating the word, he wants his grandma.
For a 3 year old, no matter how naughty he can gets, he too understand, that grandma is gone.
Things werent great.
i rush myself in and out from the toilet for the whole 3 hours, vomiting constantly, nonstop.
i was dizzy, nausea and then i took the pill which can cause drowsiness, it severe my situation ==
later on, i fainted. I skipped the second day procession.
the last day, was the hardest. mourning and grieving.
i think for me, the part where they nailed the coffin, is the hardest part for me to listen to.
i cried badly. i knew, i would never see her ever again, maybe in the next life. we will.
watching how my grandma's coffin was push into the oven thing for the burning process, is hard.
Kingston was like "what's my ah ma doing there? what you doing to my ah ma?"
and his mum told him that they'll burn grandma's coffin, that's when he finally cries out loud, shaking his head and said no, seeing him cry, hurts us all even more, because everyone is heavy in the heart to let my grandma go..is too soon..things, were hard. no doubt. i do miss her.
life is too precious to even waste a single second on unworthy stuffs, really.
this happenings teaches me a lot.
appreciation.
is really very important.
family is important.
time doesnt stops for you, no matter how rich you can be, you cant buy time.
you and your love ones will grows old as time is ticking, the fact that is.
appreciation is really important.
really very important.
on the good side?
Grandma has finally going to reunite with my grandpa somewhere in their world.
she is finally free from any kind of sickness, finally not having to suffer.
and i do miss her, i hug my dad and told him, i do really miss her and is hard for me to let go so soon.
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